Where are you in your life?

When I was twenty-five years old, I went to counseling for the first time. My first husband and I had an eighteen month old baby, and we had just had our worst fight yet. It was the kind of fight that I should likely have moved out because of, but I was not ready for that. I was raised Southern, and Catholic, and we do not get divorced.

My first counseling session is a blur, and I do not recall most of what was said. I told the story of my marriage, and of the fight. I remember the counselor was compassionate, concerned, and did a really wonderful job of helping me feel comfortable talking to her. At the end of our session, she gave me an assignment: I was to write down twenty things that I liked or that were important to me.

The next week, I came to the counseling session with my homework in hand. I was quite happy going in because I had come up with twenty-four items for my list! Have I mentioned that I am a recovering people pleaser? She asked me to read her the list, so I began at the top. I only got about 4 items in when she stopped me. “I want you to cross off any item that mentions your husband, your son, your family or friends. What is it that YOU like? What is important to YOU? Read me those.” When I finished crossing everything off, I had nothing to give her other than that I enjoyed reading books.

“Where are you in your life, Kristi?” she asked me. I told her I did not understand what she meant. She explained to me that she likes clean toothbrushes. Because of this, she buys cheap $1 toothbrushes and replaces them every other week. This way, she doesn’t feel wasteful by ditching $15 fancy toothbrush heads, and it gives her a level of peace and quiet inner happiness to have a clean toothbrush regularly.

“I like underwear without holes in them,” I told her. “How many pairs of underwear do you have without holes in them?” she asked me. “None.”

And it was true. I had not a single pair of underwear without holes in them. It took me two weeks to work up the courage to buy new underwear. Lane Bryant had a 5 pairs for $25 dollar special, and I decided to go for it. Not just new underwear, but *pretty* new underwear. I felt a bit ridiculous as I spent $25 for a measly 5 pairs of underwear, but it did, in fact, bring a sense of quiet peace and joy to my heart when I threw out the worst offenders in the drawer of holey underwear. And I cannot even describe the thrill I got by having adorable polka-dot panties.

If I were to say there was a beginning to my journey from being an awkward young woman to being a confident woman who is generally at peace with herself, I would say it started there, at the 5 for $25 dollar underwear bin in Lane Bryant. I took my first steps to discovering exactly what I could do for myself to bring peace and joy to my heart.

To this day, I love buying underwear. My current favorite store is Target. Since I have lost a significant amount of weight in the past few years, I no longer have to shop in Lane Bryant. And Target has the most fun undies: Pacman, Star Wars, Wonder Woman, Superman, various Disney themes. My underwear drawer looks a bit like it should belong to a 10 year old girl instead of a 40 year old woman, and I couldn’t be happier. I smile every time I open the drawer. I even have a pair featuring Oscar the Grouch. Across the band, they read “Grumpy Pants.” Best. Undies. Ever.